Do You Like Your Reasons?
My coach is always asking this powerful question: Do you like your reasons?
(And yes, I’m a coach who has a coach. All good coaches should have coaches.)
Sometimes we make decisions without stopping to consider whether or not we like our reason for doing something.
Look at any action you've taken recently.
What did you eat on Thanksgiving?
What did you buy on Black Friday?
Whether or not you like your reasons for eating what you ate or buying what you bought can tell you an awful lot about how you're living your life.
Making a "right" decision (one any "sane" person would choose) for a reason you don't like won't bring contentment or satisfaction.
Making a "wrong" decision (one that goes against conventional wisdom) can bring a feeling of peace if your reason for choosing it was that it felt in alignment with your true self.
Let's look at some examples of how this question applies to the writing life:
Example #1
Devin started writing a novel in November as part of NaNoWriMo. Halfway through the month, some family drama erupted and she sacrificed her writing time to be on the phone with assorted aunts, uncles and cousins, rehashing who said what to whom. She gave up on finishing her novel when she got behind. When she looks back, she's doesn't like that she quit on her goal just because real life got messy. She quit, and she doesn't like her reason for quitting.
Margo also started writing a novel during the month of November and also decided to quit. Halfway through the month, she lost interest in her characters and her energy for the story petered out. Rather than slog through something that wasn't working for her, she stopped. When she thinks back, she feels like it was the right choice. She knows she'll plan her story differently next time, taking time to make sure it's a story she truly wants to tell. She quit, and she likes her reasons for quitting.
Example #2
Rachel has decided to self-publish. The thought of sending her work out to agents make her sick with fear of rejection. She knows that her fear is getting the best of her and preventing her heart's desire of a traditional publishing deal. Deep down, she hates that she's made the "safe" choice.
Janessa has decided to self-publish. She's researched the pros and cons of traditional versus indie publishing and has decided that heading up her own team aligns with her values of being an independent thinker, a self-starter and having creative control. She's energized by her choice because she loves her reasons.
The exact same decision can be right for one person and wrong for another, depending on how each person feels about their reasons for making it.
When facing a decision or contemplating an action, guide yourself by asking the following two questions:
1. WHY am I making this choice?
2. Do I LIKE that reason?
Here are just some of the reasons we don't like our reasons:
We're doing it to please someone else, or prevent someone from getting mad.
We're doing it because society tells us we should.
We're doing it because it's the easy way.
If you don't like your reasons, what are the chances you'll like your results?
Part of turning pro is making decisions for reasons you like, which are often reasons that lead to growth.
If you're brave enough to ask yourself two tough questions—"why am I doing this...do I like my reasons?"—and be honest in your answers, you may just find yourself making some of the most empowered decisions of your life.